Barriers and Boundaries

It is very important to understand the difference between barriers and boundaries, especially in relationships. A barrier is a complete shut out of any kind of communication – physical, verbal and non-verbal – against a person or entity or even a thought. It is an extreme act, almost irreversible especially when the barricade is against a person because of the hypersensitive nature of human beings and is advisable only when there is a strong ground to do so. But whereas boundaries are barriers with doors and windows  –  in other words, privacy and socializing are balanced in a delicate manner. Unlike a barrier, which can be forgotten for good once it has been erected (usually, against someone), a boundary is a dynamic act and requires constant defining and re-defining. It is a mutual silence and simultaneously a mutual dialogue too, across the boundary; it is an acknowledgement and respect for each other’s need for nurturing his or her individualism and also each other’s need to share. The one who knows to draw and re-draw dynamic boundaries will have get to enjoy the best of the two opposite worlds – privacy and society.

Celebrating in Spirit

Christmas is in the air! So is shopping, fun, and frolic. Apart from the few hours spent in the church on the eve, for majority of the Christmas celebrators, the rest of the time is all about gifts, get-togethers and parties. In a world reeling with excess in everything, it might be of some help if ask a few fundamental questions about this festival and the way we celebrate it.

First of all, why do we celebrate Christmas?

Because it is the birthday of Jesus Christ.

Who is Jesus Christ?

A Messiah, a spiritual giant, Man among men, Son of God…

That is fine. But why should ‘we’ celebrate His birthday?

Because we love Him.

Why do we love Him?

Because He loved us.

How did He love us?

By showing humanity that God is Love, and not Power; by forgiving , blessing, and thereby showing us the way of compassion from His Cross; and by living His life as His message.

Indeed His birth is a Gift to humanity and a milestone in the history of religion and philosophy. But how does this all relate to the way we are celebrating Christmas? Love, compassion, and forgiveness – these are the corner stones of Christ’s teachings. Where and how are they reflected in the way we celebrate Christmas in present times? I am not a sober person. I love to play and have fun. But if fun and frolic are related to a certain event, then it is only sensible that the spirit of that particular event be integrated into our celebrations.  While shopping for Christmas, also buy a pair of shoes or a sweater for the old man begging in the street you daily pass by…. Or end a cold war (or a war of words) and say hello to a friend or a colleague with whom you fell apart…. Or go to an orphanage or an old age home and lunch with them; if you can sing, then sing to them…. In short, try to imitate Christ. ­That is, extend your heart to everyone, without measuring or judging, who cross your path. By doing this, we go beyond the symbolisms of festivals. We take the event to a higher level where it is more meaningful and satisfying. Every time you are compassionate, Christ is born. Each time you forgive, you are reciprocating His love. When you celebrate in spirit, it is Christmas every day. (And you can push the shopping and partying part to the end of the year!)

Merry Christmas !

A quote

“I want to be like water. I want to slip through fingers, but hold up a ship.“

– Michelle Williams

Thank the Strangers

Who else, other than strangers, can help you without expecting anything in return, without even knowing your name, and sometimes without even seeing or talking to you? Help need not always be monetary or material. A smile, stopping by to help you find the direction to a place, or giving his/her seat in the bus to let you sit,  or helping you to stand up and collect yourself  when you accidentally tripped and fell down while walking on the road, to name a few, are also profound forms of help. Most of us would have come across such incidents, when a stranger out of nowhere walked up to us, gave us the needed help, and simply walked away without even waiting for a ‘Thank you’ from us. What do we give in return for such timely, ‘no-strings attached’ help?  A Thank you, of course, with all our heart,  but nothing more than that.

Now compare this with the help we get from our ‘known’ people, which includes family members, friends, business associates and acquaintances. 99 % of the business friends help us for a return on investment at a later date.  Personal friends and relatives help us because they have vested interests in us. Though it is a respectable form of help, it still has expectations from us. A minimum of ‘thank you’, at the least, will be expected from us. But one thing is common, whether personal or business, anyone who has helped us, WILL remember that they helped us at our most needed hour, and this naturally, creates expectations in them. When they are in a similar situation, we are obliged to help them in return. We have no freedom here. Strictly speaking, this can’t be called as help. This is give and take. But, it is this demanding circle of people we rely upon, too often and too much, only because they are predictable and reachable. But it so happens that, at times, our acquaintances fail to help us, the reason being anything. This can hurt, especially if we had expected a known someone to help us out. This is the reality of our known circle of people, this is their limitation, especially in a world that is becoming increasingly nuclear and demanding in nature. Acquainted people are a society of expectations – met and unmet. They are not available all the time, and even if available  and willing to help, are not always without terms and conditions.

If you ever come across a situation where in you get no help from your friends and feel let down, take a walk to a nearby park or a mall, sit there and just observe the life around you. You WILL get help, provided you see and listen with your heart and not with your mind . The help could be from a physically challenged person selling popcorn at the entrance of the mall, quietly telling you to pick up yourself and fight your troubles courageously, or two happy children playing in the park indicating you to live your life in the ‘Now and Here’ or an elderly gentleman giving you a lift in his car and entertaining and educating you by telling his life’s story through the drive. Help from strangers is all around. Learn to identify them. Next time when a stranger helps you, thank him or her with all your being and awareness, so that the experience is etched in your memory for your future reference on inspiration. And remember, God is always anonymous.